The "This Isn't Just Food, This is......" Joke

Well as the weather has been that bad and BT have finally sorted my phone line out, but as yet Tiscalli haven't sorted the broadband out, I've had to revert back to text communication to occupy myself, my inbox is now full of the weired and wonderful.

So if your at all squeamish don't read this joke....and it must be read with the Marks and Spencer's "this is not just food" advert in mind, you know all sultry and breathy with long poignant pauses.


Fresh 9 inch cock covered in hot mustard sauce....
Pierced young nipples dipped in boiling hot toffee....
Soft virgin clits grilled on maple soaked skewers....
Freshly shaved bollocks marinated in garlic and ginger, battered, lightly fried and then served on a bed of crisp rocket....

This isn't just food....This is S & M food.



And low and behold the sun has come out and wind guru is forecasting 15knts. I'm saved.

I Am The Connect Four Champion!!!!

I am now getting my dinner cooked for me, due to the fact that I am the reigning connect four champion in this household. wooooo wooooo. Its all gone quiet over that side...hahahaha

Now I'm not a bad looser, just not a gracious winner. haha I won!

The reason behind it was the fear that now that we're not working we didn't want to become the stereotypical veg in front of the TV types, now personally I could sit on here twiddling with blogs, facebook and various forums all night, but apparently that's unsociable. What!

So we now have non TV days where we play games or plan extensive walking routes on OS maps. The only slight problem is that I'm very competitive and sporty and my girlfriend is strategic and loves to beat at something, anything, just to say she can because she knows its unlikely to happen on a bike or board.

The thing she omitted to tell me when she casually challenged me to chess is that she was a member of the chess club at college for 3 years and regularly played at home. This she tells me after toying with me for 2 hours, gets bored, wants to finish the game and check mates me in 3 moves.

Hence we now have to play slightly less strategic games ( connect 4, jenga, tiddly winks) to give me a fighting chance and I have to give her a head start on a bike to reciprocate. Were hoping this way we wont have to many fall outs, but still...I am the champion, I am the champion, No sign of losers cos I am........

How to use a naked lady to figure out if you use the left or right side of your brain

Yes your right I'm bored. Well not exactly bored its just averaging 30knts out there and I've scared myself silly kitesurfing for half an hour until I deemed that enough was enough and came in before I hurt myself. Well I wouldn't want to ruin the rest of my time off after quiting work to live in wales in traction would I!

So nice and showered and warm again, I was just perusing the net and came across this in the Australia Herald.

It shows a turning lady. Yep and she naked. You have to look at her and see if you see her spinning left or right.

This apparently determines whether you use your left or right side of the brain for your decision making

I'm not going to tell you anymore because I don't want to influence your view. It had me transfixed for about half an hour.

Check out the meaning of this at the Heralds Blogg and leave me a comment back here to compare results.

Oh yeah and I'm a righty BTW

F**K Biking Lets Go Kiting

Wooooooooo Hoooooooooo. It's windy!!!!

Off to the beach we go, of to the beach we go, hey hi yippie ho its off to the beach we go.

nice little session in the estuary

Well still no internet connection as such, well only the old hanging off the decking borrowing my neighbours one ( Ta guys) BT rang the morning to let me know thats its going to be another 4 weeks until someone can come out and dig a 20cm trench 3m long to put my line in!!!! come on I could do it myself in an hour, whats with the 4 weeks lark?.

Anyway, we had a nice bit of unexpected wind on Tuesday so we shot off to Borth (the dark side) and a little play in the estuary 4 a couple of hours until the wind dropped off..Brrrrr that water soon gets chilly after the summer, it doesnt seem that long ago that I was out in board shorts and Tuesday I could have done with my winter gloves to block that cold east wind.

Fingers x for the weekend, its looking quite good at the moment, but hey that could all change.

Keep kiting

Tata

D Day -26, After the weekend

Is every muscle in my body supposed to hurt today or is that the trade off I've got to accept for having fun kitesurfing?

Theres a few questions I'd like answering if anyone can help?

Why is it when I take my 12m kite out I should have took my 9m out? and vise versa
Why could I do nice little backloops a month ago and now I'm incapable of even a nice little jump?
and Why oh why does everything hurt soooo much today....Am I getting too old for this?

Anyway it was back to work today, let me see now....for only 3 MORE WEEKS!!! sorry for shouting there, I'm just so excited, I've just got the sale at the shop to get through though. I nearly gave myself migraine from writing on all that fluorescent paper today, and the customers! Gee I know that technically the customer is God but good grief they can irritating, if I have to hear "Ooooo it's such a shame it was such a nice little shop, what are we going to do without it" once more I think I'll scream, what will we do, what will I do? its not them that's loosing their lively hood is it! their just loosing the convenience of popping down the road when it suits them. After all I haven't seen half of them in months, I like how they've crawled out of the woodwork now they think their going to get something for nothing.

I think I may just have to have some fun and games with them before I close. I've got this urge to start some rumours up, just to plant a little seed in someones head and see how long it is before another person asks me about it.

So, I'm closing because....

1. I've won the lottery.
2. I'm emigrating to New Zealand ( that may be too truthful though)
3. I met a rich Sheik in Dubai and I'm going to join his harem.
4. I think I can earn more money in the sex industry.
5. I'm joining a commune in wales where they don't believe in material wealth.

If I start this project tomorrow, how long do you think it will take before the rumours come back round to me? I'll let you know.

Tata

At Last! - Time To Finish Work

Why do we repeatedly work ourselves into the grindstone every day and despise ourselves for this? It’s no different to putting your hands in the fire, over and over again. The big question behind this is, for what reason and why do we carry on doing something if we don’t like it. There must be some harmonious chord we can strike to find that happy medium. People live much longer now and I personally want to be able to do the things I feel passionate about now, not wait until the usual retirement age when my body says NO !! I can’t do this anymore because it will hurt too much. I am very lucky in that I can enjoy doing the things that interest me now, who says you can’t live each day to the full? Not me, that’s for sure.

Which one are you?

1. The lazy type – Has no aspirations in life and is quite happy drawing in state benefits, but moans about people who look like they have more than them. Doesn’t like to be responsible for their own actions and stays stagnant in their own safe little world winging about making ends meet because they’re not prepared to put the effort in. Guess what? They also think if they moan enough about this someone else will find the solution. What do you reckon?

2. Mr or Mrs Bling – Has worked like a Trojan all of their life for bigger, faster and slicker things, got all the gadgets and toys you could ever think of but has managed to trap themselves into a corner because they daren’t change the formula in case they lose everything.

3. The ‘Wish I Could’ – Has landed a great job, with fabulous hours and a wonderful boss. Continually dreams about the day they can escape to that place in the country with their own allotment and do the ‘Good Life’ thing. Doesn’t do anything about though, because they don’t really every believe in they can and its normal to carry on through life detesting your job and just managing.

Who do you pity the most?

I for one am not hanging around, I’m off. I had a regular job, scrimped and saved like mad, not have extravagant holidays, don’t drink a great deal, don’t smoke, don’t dine out that often, did manage to purchase a house as prices went up, so did get lucky there. Re-mortgaged and invested in another property, then struggled with a huge mortgage and ploughed every bit of spare money into it, been careful about my expenditure, until now !! enough is enough !! I’m going to sell one of the houses to free myself from the rat race, bank any remainder from the sale, live off the interest and do a few odd jobs here and there if need be. My friends may have had a bit more fun than me but the tables have turned, they will continue to lose themselves in their jobs and I will start to really live life the way I want, not dictated by the commercial world we are in…

Follow your heart!!! Not your head. I’m taking a year out, so I can place myself in a situation to be able to act upon exiting and new opportunities. No more 9 – 5 for me, they are other options out there, I can choose to accept them or not, it’s my choice. I can do voluntary work, something I am passionate about, anything I wish. Life has become exciting again, I feel like a child in a world of toys again, I can pick them up and play with them, just have a look or throw them away. Don’t miss that opportunity, live your life don’t let someone live it for you, they maybe doing what you thought of in before you get a chance to.